A Stoaty Fox Rat Tale

I've been rushed off my feet this past week with files and graphics and printing and what not, but I'm here to bring you tales of foxes, stoats and rats. In that order.

Fox Tip

The other day I had a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a fox (said Blackadder). Imagine the scene: a new fep for a big printer finds itself with a hole in it, which leaks resin onto the screen protector below, thus obscuring things and causing prints to fail. Now, these feps cost north of £40 for a good one, so I'm a bit fed up, as you can imagine. It happens; but after changing the fep, then getting a hole straight away, it's bloody annoying.

Cue brainwave.

I have some clear round stickers (the sort of thing you get on nicely packaged boxes that you have to slice open with a knife or rip off, taking half the box art with it), so I cleaned the bottom of the fep and stuck them over the holes, taking care not to get my grubby paw prints on them. I thought, what did I have to lose?

Turns out - it works!* So that's a clear (ahem) pro tip from me to you, and you don't get many of those every day.

(not my finger)

TL;DR: Got a hole in your fep? Stick a sticker on the underneath!

*It works on my setup. I will not be held responsible for damage to your printer, your fep, your grandma or your cats should you follow this tip.

Stoaty Throat

Has anybody else got this bloody cough that's been going around since before Christmas? Can't shake the damn thing - it feels like there's a stoat in my throat, as my old man used to say. But then, we are being sprayed like bugs, amirite?

Should I hazard this in public - perhaps to a plumber, or an old friend from years ago, or a couple my wife chats to when she sees their dog in a pub - eyes usually glaze over, thoughts think "Oh, you're one of those people" and attention wanders politely to something else. Fair enough; my opinion is just an opinion, and you don't have to listen to me at all. There's too much out there telling you what to think without me adding to that.

The key there is the word what. No need for that word. All you need is to think.

At this point in my life, having been a conspiracy theorist for most of it, I am feeling rather vindicated this past week by the revelations that have been coming out. But I'm no preacher on this: as I say, you should always think for yourself. Work it out. Run it through your head. Is it likely? Will someone gain from it? Why would it happen? No idea. Each one is different.

For me, there's three positions to take on conspiracy theories: one, they're all true; two, some of them are true; three, none of them are true.

If you believe they're all true, or none of them are true, you hold an extreme position. If you believe some are true... well, then we're just haggling over which ones are true, aren't we? I would guess that you, dear reader, are not an extremist when it comes to conspiracy theories. So that means... you're a conspiracy theorist too, right? There's a revelation for you. You do know that conspiracy theories can be conspiracy facts... which means your brain should be able to take on board the possibility of another conspiracy theory being true, right? Never mind what that telly box or the tracking device glued to your hand tells you. Think about it for yourself.

Take the ancient aliens! Possibly my favourite conspiracy theory to talk about, and not just because I can't get into much trouble by espousing it; but because it does have a bearing on Darklands.

This theory, as it goes, is that the earth (called Tiamat) was slammed into by a planet called Nibiru, which has an elliptical orbit around our sun that takes 3,600 years. This split Tiamat into Earth and the moon and created the asteroid belt and the pacific ocean. The Annunaki, a technologically advanced race - known in the bible as the Nephilim - evolved upon Nibiru and eventually arrived on earth to mine it for gold and other rare minerals. When the worker Annunaki rebelled because of their working conditions, the Annunaki known as Enki created mankind - oh, around 460,000 years ago - to work the mines for them instead. Thus creating humans as we know them. (The name of God was not something you thought you'd know when you started reading this blog today, I don't doubt.)

Inanna, Enki, and Utu

But I digress: I do have a relevant point here. The Annunaki are most definitely part of the lore of Darklands, which I have hinted at in various places; full marks to those who worked out what those hints were. Let's just say the Infernii are something to do with the remnants of the Annunaki left on earth, and I'll leave it there.

Don't believe me on the ancient aliens? Think I'm crazy? No problem! Have a look for yourself. Once you understand where this theory comes from, and see the images of the Sumerian clay tablets (most of which have still not been translated), and have read around it a bit - you may think differently to me, or you may not. (Start with The 12th Planet by Zechariah Sitchin. A bit dry, but it lays it out well).

Either way, the point I'm labouring at is to think. Don't dismiss a new conspiracy theory out of hand the first time you hear it; the guy or girl telling you about it a) has spent a while learning about it and b) is taking a chance on your eyes not glazing over and thus feeling ridiculed.

Remember, you're a conspiracy theorist too! So think, fellow Miercenary, and theorise for yourself...

I'll shut up about it now.

Rat Tale

As I mentioned in the Jute release blurb this month, I'm going rats for March because I gave Rafael too much for February, bless him! He only finished the bats last Monday and he's exhausted. So I'm going to give him something a bit easier to manage for March's battle host. As well as that there's less time in February, so it will help to give him some alternates of existing miniatures.

This is what you should see in March then:

• Grey-Fur with helmet
• Rend-Vras chief
• Nekkid captive for the pin up
• War-Vras (alternates of the Spear-Vras), basically helmeted with glaive in both hands
• Rend-Vras, the only "new new" miniatures (in three versions; claws, great weapons, two slicy daggers)
• ...although I am tempted to give you a lode-vras sorcerer too.

That's it. After the rats we'll go back to the previous schedule (bold is backlog stuff):

• April - Fomoraic Gabrax Warchief, Gabrax and Gabrox
• May - Ysian Grigg, Shadow-Drunes/Rogue-Drunes and Brute-Beasts
• June - Anglecynn Warchief, Geoguth and Wereofor

We'll have completed the sculpting backlog by June (if not the production backlog), and then we'll be doing some completely new stuff each month!

• July - Byzantii Demilegionarii
• August - Norse Halftrolls
• September - Khthones Lískar
• October - Brythoniaid Rhyfelwr
• November - Érainn Fen Beast
• December - Infernii Fiend
• January - Fomoraic Raider

(as always, note that I do reserve the right to change the above if I have a fit of inspiration for something else).

That's it for now, ladeez and gennelmen. Or is it lullu?